So Zach is definitely sick, Jessica too. I'm still wondering if it might be hay fever. However, they still have the energy to do all the things they need to do in their busy days. Zach especially lately seems to be a whirlwind. He's in the middle of a play production at his school (he’s a Truffala Tree) which wraps up tonight, and then Little League starts. In fact I need to go pick up his uniform tonight while he's at his play. Both of the kids also have swimming today, the last of their lessons for now. I might put Jess back in for one more session before summer, but between Beavers and baseball, I think Zach will be too busy for more swimming lessons. I feel like I live for everyone else. I love watching my kids experience all these new things, but I really wish I had some time during the day that is mine. Listen to me whine! I do have time, three mornings a week, when Jess is in school, but this week I haven't had that. She came with me to see Zach's play yesterday, and I need to be with her on Friday for a school field trip. My time is being taken away, and I guess I've really come to enjoy my "coffee with the girls". I think it's a necessary part of staying sane in Mommyland. Looking forward to getting schedules back on track next week.

Until next time,

I have to say, I have not been feeling healthy lately. I haven't really been sick, the usual spring allergies and sniffles not withstanding. I just know that I need to be healthier. I need to lose at least 65-75 lbs and quit smoking. I had a hard time breathing last night and my chest hurt, I think I just spiked a fever and had some muscle cramping in my chest, but who knows. Scary for sure. I used to keep track of my weight loss here in this blog, sort of an accountability thing, but no one really reads my blog anymore. I would love to go back on Jenny Craig. I found it an easy and successful system, but the cost is astronomical! Maybe I just need to do it the hard way. A harder won fight is infinitely more rewarding. Maybe my doctor would have some suggestions, and prescription help, at least with the smoking issue.

It looks like Jessica and Zach are having the same problem with allergies as I do. Jessica is coughing, and a little sniffly, and Zach is all stuffy. I’m hoping I’m wrong and that we just have a cold. I hated having allergies as a kid, and all the ear infections that went along with the allergies. I suppose if we manage things properly we won’t have to worry about the dreaded ear infections.

Zach is excited about the upcoming play at his school, and of course he wants to try out for the Rainbow Youth Theater plays this summer. Jessica is game to try out as well, I think she’s old enough this year. They’re putting on the Wizard of Oz, and Aladdin Jr., should be fun.

That’s all for now, until the next time,

I was very happy this weekend. I got to spend a couple of hours with my husband Mike, hanging out and supporting him in his favorite pass time. Cycling. It isn't easy to watch a cycling race, I much prefer to do it on the television where the camera follows the pack of racers. In person you get to see the racers speed by you and you cheer, and then it's over. A lot of waiting for very little. This was somewhat the case on Sunday, but I didn't even get to see him race at all. He was on an 8 leg 9 person relay race team. I saw the road cyclist come in and transition to the canoe people, but Mike did his part on the mountain bike leg, and you just can't see a thing through the trees! The kids enjoyed waiting around, and watching the teams come in. Mike met us there and we headed home together, the race not even over. We didn't think the team did as well as they were hoping to do, but we decided to go to the finish line and find the team anyway. As a last minute thought I called in our sitter for a few hours, just so Mike and I could have some time alone together. When we arrived at the marina we found out that their team had won in the military masters division, so we stayed for the award ceremony and had a couple of beers with the team. Good times. Then we went out for coffee together, just Mike and I, and I fell in love again. I am so lucky to have such a good man. Even on the days I don't want to be married or be a mom or have any attachments, I still love him and my kids enough to muddle through the darker days. Which brings me to my big judgments.

I hate knowing that I have this side to me, this side that gets angry at relative strangers. This side of me that judges when I have no right, because none of us ever have a right to judge. But I really have a hard time when I hear about mothers who leave their children. I can't imagine a scenario that would put me in a place where I would choose to do that. I think the learning here for me is that I am not them, and that I have no idea what their life is about. Could be that leaving the children really is the best thing for all involved. So to those of you out there who might be feeling the negative vibe from me, please excuse me, and my rudeness. I will endeavor to live and let live, and wish the best to you all, I suppose it's what I would want you to do for me. Pardon me while I grow, and leave stretch marks on my psyche.

So getting on to that then..... I'm a mom, a wife, a sister, a daughter, an employee, a singer and performer, and a bit of a gypsy. I love my kids, Zach, 7, and Jessica, 5. They are the light of my life. But they can't be everything to me, I need more. I love my husband to bits. A greater guy you will not find. He loves me too, with all of his being. He is so accepting of everything I am and want to be. But he can't be everything for me either, I still need more. I have a great support system with my sister and mother, and all the extended family. I really am lucky to be so loved and supported. Why isn't all of this enough? I guess the key piece that's missing is the part that is just me, the bit that I am that is just for me. The bit of me the stands up to sing in front of hundreds. The bit of me that writes music that no one hears, just to know I have created it. The piece of me that screams to hit the open road, with the windows down, and drive for days. Especially that part, the gypsy. The warmer weather, and sunshine, always makes me itchy. I can't leave my family for long though, I miss them too much, and the guilt is insurmountable. I think I would have made a great traveling musician. I could do think things that I love the most, singing and traveling, and then I would get to return home to the ones I love, who love me best. I wouldn't need to feel guilty for running away, it would just be my job. But I'm over 30 and overweight, and dreams like those only happen at night when I'm asleep. For now, I will work my part time evening and weekend job at Reitman's, and love and support my children and husband.

What is the little piece in your life that makes you you? What do you dream of? I would love to know! Leave me a comment, I'll drop by and check out your site too.